Seeker

Had it been millennia ago,

Has it only been a mere heartbeat,

I would always easily recall

How the longest journey had been started.

Many times I had to make a choice,

Many times I weighed my words and actions.

Have I taken steps I could avoid?

What will happen later in my absence?

Have I done it all the best I could?

Can I say that I made every effort?

Not a single detail was minute,

Any misconception will be paid for.

Too much weakness or excessive strength,

Cowardly retreat or wise evasion,

Vile assault or sound self-defense,

Single dear gem or useless treasures?

Being biased, having to be just,

Measuring effects of what is spoken,

Building castles out of sand and dust,

Sad when happy, serious when joking.

I had faced the obstacles and chores,

Paving roads through the lands uncharted,

Overcoming challenges by force,

Pushing my full way when I could cut it.

Sudden moves were taking me aback,

I was searching for the best solutions,

But what looked so perfect in the past

Often ended up with disillusion.

All the opportunities I’ve missed,

Evident and clear years later,

Make me reconsider and relive

Moments when I might have been mistaken.

Everything I have misunderstood,

Fits of feelings I have failed to notice,

Faults I’ve been unable to uproot,

Giant maze of other people’s motives –

Now that I regard the way ahead,

Lost inside the haze of the forthcoming,

I recall decisions I regret

Alongside the ones that satisfy me.

Being wrong before, can I be right?

I’m uncertain if I choose correctly.

Am I missing anything this time?

Why are all these worries so unsettling?

...Help me feel the power to persist,

Set aside the pressure of the doubt,

Realize what’s hidden underneath,

Keep opinions relevant and stout.

I had been as good as I could be.

It might not have always been sufficient.

But if you accept the things you did,

You make steps toward your self-remission.

Yes, I wasn’t flawless – but who was?

Anyone tripped up, to err is human.

What has happened cannot be reversed,

But we use its lessons for improvement.

There is one way to fix the past:

Never let its errors be repeated,

Learn from them in order to progress,

Break the cycle rather than complete it.

Always stay committed to your cause,

Be prepared for a new endeavor;

Keep yourself reminded of your faults,

But don’t let them turn into your tether.

20.08.18